The Joy of Lobsters:
There’s nothing more satisfying than sucking the last gobbet of meat from the skillfully disassembled carcass of a fresh lobster. Unfortunately some people remain wary of preparing such a feast, intimidated by either the steps needed to prepare it or the panoply of equipment needed to eat it. Such concerns, in my opinion, are hugely overblown. With a little bit of care and attention fresh lobster can become a welcome addition to your list of everyday recipes.
- Select your lobsters with care – avoid specimens with any hint of asymmetry, a roving eye, or a lack of enthusiasm.
- Prepare your workspace ahead of time – you’ll need two pans, a large cutting board, and an extra-large pair of tungsten seafood tongs.
- Fill each pan with triple-filtered spa water, add a pinch of salt, and boil vigorously.
- Lower each subdued, but still live, lobster into the first pan – the so-called live pan.
- After about fifteen minutes transfer the lobsters deftly with your tungsten seafood tongs to a second pan of boiling water, the so called dead pan.
- Continue boiling the lobsters for about another two minutes until they are completely cooked. Wait until their shells reach a deep red – pantone #fb551c
- Remove, drain and serve immediately with an extensive array of tools.
- Lobsters Labrador – For Canadian lobsters only. Cook the lobsters over a wood-burning stove and in the presence of a large, docile dog.
- Lobsters stevedore – Lift the lobsters into the live pan pan using a specially designed lobster harness. Empirical evidence is sketchy at best on the merits of this technique.
- Lobsters toreador – A Spanish variation, though acceptable for lobsters from all points of origin. Hold a kitchen towel in front of the pan to shield the lobsters from their impending fate. Swiftly pull back the towel immediately prior to introducing the lobsters to the boiling water.
- Lobsters troubadour – Appropriate for French and French-Canadian lobsters. Play soothing background music in the presence of the lobsters for at least thirty minutes prior to their termination. Smooth jazz or Gregorian chants apparently produce the best results.
- Some people prefer their lobsters steamed – an approach which I personally abhor.
- In the hands of anyone less than an expert like myself, this method can produce a mottled lobster with a flaccid, rubbery texture.
- In my opinion you should avoid this method at all costs.